Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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