i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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