literally had 100 drinks last night.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
