Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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