well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
