Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
