a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
