as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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