i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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