tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
