dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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