she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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