Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
