I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
