she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
