I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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