I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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