did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
