Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
