yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found puke in my bra..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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