remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
