took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
