So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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