my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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