I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
