If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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