6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
