i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
