The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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