Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
