So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
