there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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