Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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