i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
