I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize