Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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