the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize