he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
