wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
