he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize