Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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