3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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