we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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