Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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