meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
