Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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