Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
