I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
