After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
