Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
