IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
