I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this boner is exhausting
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
