before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
