somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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