So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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