we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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