I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sex in a hospital.. check
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
