I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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