well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Help. Why am I so naked?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
