And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
