I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
