dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
