yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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