My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
