Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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