I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize